Change How You Relate To Your Problems
Do you ever notice how your problems seem really huge when you’re in the midst of them?
On my call with my Maoi sisters (aka Master Mind Group) today one of my friends related how she’s still struggling with paper and paperwork. Receipts, files, all things paper. She relayed where she think it came from (her Mom used to stress out about losing even the most seemingly unimportant receipt for this or that because it could be a really huge deal someday). In any case, how it manifests for her in her life is being overwhelmed, avoiding, anxiety, fear and a whole mess of other uncomfortable feelings.
She’s had this issue going on in her life since we first met and I suspect she’s had it for most of her life actually. She’s a smart business woman and is up to big things and she recognizes she needs to change how she deals with paperwork and filing in order to a) feel better and b) be successful at running her businesses.
She asked our group for some advice and I thought what came out from our group I think relates to a lot of problems in general.
Change How You Relate to Your Problems
Changing how you relate to your problems looks like re-framing the situation and your experience of it. Most of this work needs to start before you take a step in the direction or experience that particular situation. I shared how we did this for my husband when we first met.
My husband was not very good at keeping track of and paying his bills, filing his paperwork and generally the same problem my friend has. His anxiety would manifest so much physically that he would practically make himself sick just thinking about having to sit down and pay his bills. After watching him go through this anxiety one month I helped him re-frame the situation (or change how he related to the problem) by setting the stage differently the next month.
When it came time to pay his bills we set aside plenty of time for the bill paying, put on some relaxing music, put on some wine and just took our time with it. I helped him through it and thereafter it was much easier for him.
Get Help From Someone Who Is Good At What You’re Not
Whenever I come up against something I’m not good at, I find someone who is and hire them or ask them for their help. For instance when I wanted to start using QuickBooks in my business I hired a bookkeeper to set up my books and then sit with me to teach me how to use it. She set up all of my systems for me – set the stage for my success and then showed me how to use her systems. I’m kind of a process/systems junkie, so it’s maybe easy for me to learn something like this.
I also realized that I needed some good filing systems for both accounting and general files (both digital and paper) so I hired a personal organizer to come in and get me all set up. She asked me about my business, what I needed to keep track of, helped me find some time savers and good ways of setting up color coding and then I was off and running.
If you’re not good at something and it’s a struggle or a hurdle, can you find someone in your life who is good at it or who has it handled and ask for their help? Even shadowing them to find out how they’re doing something you want to understand could be a big step up.
Objects in the Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear
Problems can appear bigger the closer we get to them. Sometimes the best way to manage a challenge you face regularly is to change your perspective. Look at things like:
1. What is something you could say to yourself next time you’re facing the situation that would em-POWER you to be bigger, bolder, and braver than you have before?
2. What if you asked for support before you head into the situation next time? Who loves you and would help you so you don’t have to face that situation alone next time?
3. Can you spread it out or lessen the impact the next time? Can you break up the activity into smaller steps or tasks? Can you spread out the time frame? Can you offset some of your responsibility onto someone else or hire help?
4. Could you avoid the situation all together? Do you really have to do whatever you’re doing that’s causing you so much struggle and suffering?
5. Is there anything you can do to soften or change your perception of the situation internally? What if you were to recognize your power, your higher self, your greatness and so that when you enter into the event/situation you saw or perceived the problem as not a problem at all?
A few favorite quotes:
Grow yourself to be bigger than any problem.
Ask not for no problems, but for the strength to face them.