Bulimia Stories of Recovery
I want you to know that I was in the grip of the eating disorder bulimia nervosa for 20 long years. And that I have been fully recovered since 2005.
Does this give you hope, inspiration, comfort? Does it make you feel just a little bit more optimistic about your situation?
I really hope so.
When we hear that others have been through what we ourselves have gone through and that they have emerged successfully from their ordeal, they can become our role model and a real live inspiration to overcome our problems.
Text book theory is all very well but when someone shares their own story about how they did something that is what we can work with. That’s why I developed my eBook with a collection of bulimia stories. To provide insights into recovery only gained by being there.
When my process of recovery started I, too, was able to find solace and encouragement from the stories of women courageous enough to share, help and offer advice. They made me feel less alone and really made me believe that I could do it.
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It can help to know that recovery isn’t all smooth going; that there are ups and downs, progress and setbacks as well. Knowing that others have had a similarly uneven sort of progress, and knowing how they have overcome those disappointments can help you persevere on the road to recovery.
So Many Stories
So many have probably been worse off than you; others have probably had it easier. The point is not whose journey is easy or difficult, but what you can learn from each journey. There is pain in every story, there is suffering; each probably started out seeming hopeless and then progressed to the point where success was within grasp!
So Much to Share
While some stories may be very different from yours, there may be others just like what you’re going through! I hope my bulimia recovery stories book will continue to offer the sort of hope and inspiration that you can use in your own recovery. I wish these were around many years ago.
Positive suggestions about what works and what really doesn’t are important I think. The ways to get rid of the negativity, how to reinforce your faith in yourself; you can find all this and more in my ebook. When you hear that other women (like me!) have been able to sustain recovery for 8 years, you know that it is possible. Please keep hold of that inner light of faith and hope. It will serve and sustain you on your journey.
Who knows? Someday you may be sharing your own success story of having overcome your eating disorder and then your story will help other women on the road a few steps behind you.
It is so inspiring just knowing that you’re here…amongst friends who understand you.
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Im not even sure I should be writing to you. I am 25 yr old British female and I make myself sick after eating to much food, or after meals. Its been about 4 years now. I am overweight ( size 16 clothes) and I can honestly say I HATE my body and my face and everything. It makes me very depressed the way I look. I stopped being ill for a month and I look worse then ever. I feel better purging then feeling like im not doing anything about my weight. I have health problems (lung shadow which is currently being tested) and I now get acid reflux and stomach problems. I dont know what todo. I am not going to my doctor as he does not help me. I cant stand the way I look. Im rambling on now sorry. It feels abit of a relief to have written this even though I wont hear from anyone regarding it, Nobody knows I am still being ill. Im sorry to have written a long story and sounded like such a saddo.
Hey Karla,
I can feel from here the pain you’re in and how that mind of yours is beating you up and making you feel worse than you already do. I can relate…really. We all have that monkey mind that tries to run the show and unfortunately does a pretty good job of messing up our lives if we’re not on top of it – and conscious – more often than not.
I’m actually happy you wrote because something you said sparked a sense of hope inside me that you’re on your road to recovery…even though you don’t feel like you are.
How I know is..
1) you showed up here today and you shared (powerfully, too, I might add!) and that takes huge courage. When you’re not wanting help you don’t show signs of courage – you’re laced in fear and you hide out.
2) you said that you felt some relief from sharing. I am tickled because there is an emotional scale and when we’re moving towards a state of joy and love we feel relief along the way. We might get sidetracked in anger or frustration, but if we’re moving up the scale we feel better. So huge kudos to you for taking action and feeling relief. Even if it was mild and didn’t feel like joy or bliss. That’s ok!
I don’t want to ramble on here about how the emotional scale works, but I believe in it and if you can learn about it and how it helps us each day I think you’d get the hang of riding those waves of emotions you’re feeling – or avoiding and stuffing down with food. Likely story if you’re here. And that’s ok. It takes some re-programming to get out of the binge/purge cycle, but with practice, commitment and perseverance you can do it.
Here’s a link to page about the emotional scale and Abraham Hicks videos that I think you’ll enjoy.
http://liz-green.com/2011/11/abraham-hicks-the-emotional-guidance-scale-process/
Come back and let me know how it goes, ok? I appreciate updates – good bad or otherwise. Keep feeling the relief…whatever that looks like even if it’s boredom next. That’s ok. Better than powerlessness.
Be well and keep marching one step at a time.
Polly
youre certainly not a saddo! I struggle…I know exactly how you feel. Sending positive vibes to you, Karla~
I am 40 years old and I have been suffering from anorexia for the last 3 years. My lowest weight was 6st and I am 5ft 6ins. My life is total hell and every day is a major struggle with food. I am now up to just under 11st and I hate my body. I really ust want to crawl into a hole and die:(
Hi Audrie,
I can feel the pain coming through your words. I have no idea what you’re facing in life that is making you seek out food to avoid it, but if I can help at all, please use my contact form to email me privately and I’ll do whatever I can to help you or find someone to help you.
You’re very brave for sharing your pain and I acknowledge you for coming out and saying something. I know that took a lot just to admit to yourself and others. That’s a great first step and so your recovery can now begin.
I look forward to hearing from you.
With love and light,
Polly
I know this is very long but I didn’t want to leave anything out. At the age of 12 I developed an eating disorder called Bulimia Nervosa. Today I am 17 years old; I will soon be 18 this July, and I still struggle. Most of the time I feel like I’m arguing with myself rather than with my mom or a doctor. Sometimes I see what I do to myself; other times I feel like I’m bettering myself. No one would ever suspect that I have been battling with bulimia, unless I told them.
I do not blame my father for what became of me, although sometimes I do point the finger in his direction. Due to unfortunate events in my childhood, when i was 11, my other siblings and i moved in with my grandparents. My grandpa loves to cook. Every night we ate til we couldn’t eat anymore. The weekends when my parents would visit us my dad would always talk about how fat I was getting, of course my grandma would defend me, but that never stopped him from saying it.
After a year of being with my grandparents, we moved back in with mom and dad. Every morning on the way to school we would stop at the gas station and get a snack, my brother would get zebra cakes and I would get powdered donuts. That soon stopped because he didn’t want me to get fat like my grandma. Of course it hurt my feelings, but hearing something over and over again; you believe it. I won’t lie, I was a little chunky. I began purging by not eating both breakfast and lunch during school. I hardly ate anything for dinner telling my mom I had was still full from the lunch I had at school. Sometimes I wouldn’t eat any dinner. On the weekends I would lie and say I already my myself something. I lost all my chunkiness, and was the 98 pound 12 year old I wanted to be. Getting older I grew, making me weigh more. I didn’t think of my hips growing as going through puberty. I looked at it as I was getting fat. One day, out of anger I ate as much as I wanted and more, I went into the restroom and threw it all up. I felt relief and better from it. The feeling I got made me want to it more. I went from doing it a couple times a week to every night. It felt like I was being cleansed. I did this all the way into sophomore year, when my mother started catching me in the bathroom. She got on to me and told me to stop. I told her I would, knowing I wouldn’t.
I developed problems where I would pass out a lot and have black outs. After that I stopped for a while. Being a female we watch our weight. I started my senior year weighing 125 pounds. The most I’ve ever weighed. I understand that’s a normal weight for a 17 year old, however it’s not normal for me. I picked up my binging and purging more than ever. Getting me down to 115, but I ended up with some results I didn’t like. My hair was falling out more than usual. I completely stopped brushing it and straightening it hoping to make it healthier. Recently I have dyed my hair darker so it doesn’t look as thin and cut it.
My parents think I’m ok. Occasionally my mom ask me if I still do what I’ve done. I’ve lost friends in the past because they don’t agree with me. To me, I feel better afterwords. Sometimes I look at myself knowing I’m lying to people and knowing what I’ve done wrong. Other times I ignore it and I continue to do what I’ve always done.
I’ve taught myself tricks to keep me from falling into my old ways. When I have cravings or the feeling of eating just because, I eat almonds or crackers. They give me the satisfaction of being full with out having to go and throw up or over eat. When I want to purge and go with out I still try to get something small with a few calories in me, so I’m not completely starving myself. I never want to be in the situation that I was before. I have really good days, sometimes I have bad days. I’ve learned to keep my head up, no matter what I’m telling myself. I tell myself I’m strong and I can do it. I can do this.
I have not over came the monster inside telling to me I’m too fat. I went from the understanding of I’m bettering myself, to that i could cause damage. I believe I’m ok, I don’t confide in anyone because I know they would tell me different. I’m still self cautious but I know I’m at a better state than before. Sometimes I fall back into my old ways but I handle things.
Hi Allie,
I want you to thank you for sharing your story. It is a very honest account of what you’ve been through. It sounds like my bulimia story in many ways, so I can totally relate. I was able to recover eventually…when I was ready. It will happen for you when you’re ready, too. I hope you don’t hold yourself apart from the love and connection of people, life, your SELF, for very much longer. The joy and peace you’ll have inside once you don’t have to hide behind a bunch of lies is so freeing I can’t even express how you’ll feel. Being in recovery tastes way better than being thin ever did.
I wish you much love and light and welcome you to contact me if you’d ever like to talk.
Be well,
Polly
Hi,
I am a 31 year old female that started bingeing and purging when I was about 26/27. I can’t say that something traumatic happened or anything stressful occurred that could have attributed to this. I just became very aware of weight etc… I was a confident person, I had great social life and took care of myself, I kickboxed and I am an avid gym goer. I always had a bit appetite but that is the way it has always been. But I was always a healthy weight, still am really.
I found that the B&P became more regular but then I could go weeks without an episode, kidding myself that I had stopped. Then I would get cravings for crap junk food and B&P after I ate it all. It’s such an easy cycle to become victim to, it’s scary.
No one knows I have bulimia, and as all my friends and family regard me has a very healthy, fit person, they would never guess. But I have contact a local Cognitive Behavioual Therapist, my first appointment is next week. I feel so much better for addressing it and seeking help. But obviously feeling some trepidation as to whether it will work. Polly, have you had experience with CBT? Is it helpful?
Anyway, there’s days i feel like crap as I am so disappointed in myself for B&P, and the days where I’m feeling good, I avoid doing it. But there’s days that i feel good and still do it. It’s such a confusing cycle as i can’t peg it on any real reason as to why i do it, just basic greediness as I want to eat what I want without putting weight on. It really is vanity I think…I’m so consumed with the thought of looking fat, it’s pathetic. but fingers crossed, I will learn to battle the beast and be healthy again.
Hi Derry,
Wow, great story. Thank you so much for sharing yourself openly here.
I am glad to hear you’re taking action now to meet with a therapist. I do not have much experience with CBT, but it is my impression that it’s the #1 treatment therapists use and have success with. So, if I were in your shoes I think that would be a great start.
If I may add to that…be easy about the process. I don’t know a lot about you, but I did hear a lot of my story in what you shared. The fitness fascination/feeling strong/looking good. It’s a part of our culture and our identity, if we let it be. I’ve worked for years to accept and love myself. I don’t do it 100% every day, but I do embrace that I’m me and this is what my body’s going to look like and love it just the way it is. (somewhat like all areas of our life really)
One of the first things I share with my clients is to go easy about it. Take your time and be easy in each day as you learn new ways of being in the world. You’ve spent a few years learning how to be this way (probably goes back much longer and is just becoming unmanageable and manifesting symptoms of bulimia) and it will equally take a few years (or a really impactful event) to shift your consciousness in a new direction. Never give up on you. That’s what’s most important. You will have setbacks, you will have upsets, you will freak out when you slip…we allllll do. Perfectly part of the process. Just don’t beat yourself up when you do. Treat yourself and the process with ease and you will feel better in the moment and the new you who is wanting to emerge will have the space to come through and BE.
Thank you again for sharing, Denny. I hope you’ll come back and let us know how you’re doing.
Be well,
Polly
hi
I`m 15 and I`m struggeling with an eating disorder for 5 years now.
With 10 I purged for the first time. Since 13 I vomite every single day.
I was overweight when I started doing this and now at a normal weight I can`t stop.
I have strict parents and I always tried to be the best I could, this pressure and 4 years bulling developed my eating disorder. I never was extremly thin, so my parents never noticed that someting was wrong and I wish that they know about my ED. I hope I ccan recover some time.
Hi Lora,
All of you is welcome here.
I’m am pleased to see you signed off with hope in your heart.
Hope is one step away from BELIEVING.
BELIEVING is one step from KNOWING you can recover.
You are going in the direction of recovery. Soon you will have it.
If there’s anything I can do for you, please send me an email.
Wishing you well,
Polly
I have never…ever told anyone that I have this awful, horrible disease. I am sitting here crying as i type this because this is even a big step for me. I lost 50 pounds by dieting and working my ass off in the gym. But, besides that… I have been “this way” for over 2 years now. I dont know why or what triggers it. I am to my breaking point and i need any help i can get. I know you must get thousands of posts, but i am begging for any scrap of advice to make me happy. I tell myself every morning i wont throw up, and i pray for the day i complete without throwing up. But, every day i fail….
Ahhh…deep breath. Let it out….
I’m touched that you opened up. That is a huge first step and just one of many more you will soon take. It sounds like you’ve hit your wall or bottom. I must admit I’m actually freakin’ excited for you. By hitting bottom that’s where a lot of us actually start to say “enough is enough….I’ve had it!” And that’s when life begins to shift. Our days go from gloom and darkness to hope and inspiration.
Your body is signaling to you that you deserve more than you’re living. Your mind and deep within you….your spirit is ready to be heard. For you to connect with something greater than you that you’ve been ignoring and quieting for a long time. Well, now that you’ve given up on this way you’ve been living your life it’s time to embrace something new. A new chapter called Well Being.
My best advice for starting out once you’ve hit bottom can best be summarized on my website under Getting Started. Here’s the link:
http://www.getbusythriving.com/self-help-resources/bulimia-help-for-recovery-getting-started/
I’m grateful you took a moment to share here and not for me, but for you. By sharing of yourself you also allowed me and others to see your vulnerability and know that it’s ok for us to be vulnerable – and not perfect- too. We love and hold you in our hearts.
Please come back and let us know how you’re doing…or email me privately so we can keep in touch.
Ok?!
To your well being,
Polly
I just happened to stumble upon this page and I’d like to say thank you, Polly. You are a wonderful person and I wish there were more like you. I’ve been struggling for 3 years, I’m almost 21. Each day is a new struggle, sometimes it ends well and sometimes it doesn’t buy I know that I do try everyday. I’m currently having a bit of a relapse, triggered by recent stressors I think. The hardest part is not being able to tell anyone. I actually told my “bestfriend” a couple months ago, but she doesn’t understand. Instead of encouragement she says things like “See a professional.” Or or “Good luck with your dentures in 10 years” and that makes it so much worse.
With that being said, thanks again. <3
Hey Sarah!
Thank you for your note. It’s nice to hear from you and I appreciate your feedback. So much!
When I read your note about your friend’s comments the first thing I thought of was that old saying “with friends like that who needs enemies?!” I don’t know your friend, but knowing that most of us while we’re in the thick of bulimia we don’t tell anyone. I told my Mom and she tried to help, but was battling alcoholism and her own food issues, so it wasn’t exactly a great time for either of us. I didn’t tell another soul for more than 10 years.
I’m really glad you decided to say HELLO today and to open up a little. That’s important. Opening yourself up means you’re willing to let other in. Bulimia is like putting up a “closed for business” sign on your forehead and not letting anyone in. Please keep your doors (your ears, heart and mind) open for business. Let the love that’s all around you flow in.
I send you lots of love and hope we’ll be hearing from from you soon, ok?!
All is well,
Polly
Thank you! It is definitely hard to open up. I’m sorry to hear about your mother and the 10 years you went through alone. You’re a strong woman!
It’s been over two days since “doing the deed” and I’m feeling good!
Any advice for staying off the scale?
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for your note! I chuckled a little when I read your question. At first I thought you were asking me how to stay off the scale in your bathroom. And then I thought “well, what if she means another scale?” You know, I would love for you to toss your bathroom scale out the freakin’ window and to replace it with the emotional scale.
I think it would be totally awesome if you wanted to put a copy of an emotional scale on your wall where your bathroom scale used to be and each day when you would normally weigh yourself against the gravity scale and instead weigh yourself against your own emotional scale. So, let’s say tomorrow morning you wake up, head to your bathroom, you stand in front of the emotional scale and check in with yourself and feel for where you are on your emotional scale. After a quick check in you realize where you are on your emotional scale. If you could let that be your guide and tell you if you’re feeling as well as you’d like to be, then great! If you’re not feeling gratitude, love or peace you could ask yourself “what could I think or do to feel better?”
That, my dear, is my advice about what to do with your scale! I say, don’t stay off it – shoot! I would be on that emotional scale all day long. I’d check in with it every hour and ask myself “am I feeling as good as I could and if not what could I think/do to feel better?” Let that be your scale and you’ll have more joyous moments in each day.
Thank you for your question and much love to you,
Polly